It was the day before the surgery to removed the cancer and I was scared, the was 6 years ago today. The tumor had grown large and was growing fast. There had been the initial surgery to remove it 2 months prior which didn’t work yet left me with a hysterectomy. I had to heal for 8 weeks from that surgery before they were going to go in again.

Knowing that you have something that doesn’t belong in you and waiting, really changes your perspective on things. The only thing I wanted to do for those 2 months was live, be with my family and friends, enjoy every moment and that was it. Social media didn’t matter, how much money I made didn’t matter, shopping and buying things didn’t matter. As a matter of fact I started giving a lot of my things away. We had moved homes during this time too.

In the home we had raised our children in I had taken over the original master bedroom as my closet. I loved clothes and shoes (the walkin was my shoe closet). I had rolling racks in there and everything was organized by color. I started to think about why I had so much stuff and what did it matter, so I started to give things to friends, my family, homeless shelters. In my mind I was thinking if I don’t make it I want to make sure people are taken care of. That is where my mind was during this time.

The night before my surgery I just wanted to spend it with my family. I had spent the prior months being upbeat and happy. I wanted to continue to be who I was even though there were moments of falling apart. In those moments I let myself feel it, I would say “Ok LeeAnne, you have 5 minutes max to feel this and then you must move on from it. Cancer does not have you. You have it. You have control”. So I would cry, scream, stamp my feet, pray and move on. I was alone when this happened, I didn’t want anyone to know. Except one time when a couple of friends were over and we were having wine and I started to stamp my feet saying “this isn’t fair, and I am not done living yet.” They hugged me, agreed and said I can do this.

And well, here I am 6 years later to the day before the surgery. Reflecting and writing about it. I truly feel lucky and blessed to be here with you all.

More to come tomorrow…