The Name I Gave the Thing
That Saved My Life.
I named my ostomy Ivan. It felt important to give it a name, to make it something I could talk to and talk about and eventually make peace with. Ivan has been with me for more than ten years now and I would not be here without him.
The diagnosis came in 2015. Cancer. The surgery followed and when I woke up my body was permanently changed. I had all the feelings you are probably having right now. Fear. Grief. Anger. The quiet terror of wondering if anyone would ever see me as whole again.
What I did not expect was the freedom. The freedom to stop pretending I was okay when I was not. The freedom to talk about hard things out loud. The freedom to build a community around honesty instead of hiding.
In 2017 I competed at the America Fitness Weekend in Las Vegas with Ivan. I walked out on that stage in a costume with wings, hit my pose, and when the audience stood up I completely fell apart. Not because I had overcome something. But because every single person in that room stood up for everyone who has ever felt like their body made them less than. That moment was not mine. It belonged to all of us.
That is what this community is. We stand up for each other. Every single time.
Named, loved, and credited with giving LeeAnne a second chance at a life lived out loud. Ivan has been on stages, in airports, on fitness competition floors, and in thousands of honest conversations that have helped other ostomates feel less alone.
“I can’t imagine being here on this earth and not living full out. Our ostomies have given us a second chance at life. They have also given us a community we did not realize was out there.”
